Back from the brink - of rest

For all of those who know me, I am the son of a teacher from a family of teachers. Please if you notice anything wrong about my grammar or punctuation, let me know before Mummy sees it.

BACK FROM THE REST

I am back from a well-earned rest from my trusty laptop which has suffered a mishap and has to be tethered to my telly to be effective. It is a blessing in disguise as I know get to see everything I type (or surf) in wide-screen.

In the time that I have been “away”, there has been the summer of sport that has threatened to reduce the summer Olympics last year to a distant memory. First of all, GB v Australia in rugby as the Lions were tested against Australia and won convincingly. Then Andy Murray became the first British man since Fred Perry in the 1930s. As much as I enjoyed that, I still couldn’t help but feel that perhaps if this win had happened maybe 25 years ago, it would not have been embraced with such fierce praise as an achievement, but then, I have always been a cynic.

Then the Ashes.

What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

That is my favourite Ashes joke to date - My love for cricket was cultivated lovingly by a very good friend (whom I shall call Steve, because that is his name). As my interest and love for Test cricket grew, so did my resolve to take disappointment on the chin. But never mind, this summer the boys rewarded me for my diligence, and in their Ashes win, oversaw the dramatic collapse of an Australian team that was yearning for the good ol’ days of Merv Hughes, Steve Waugh, Shane Warne and Alan Border. Then Hamilton decided that his Mercedes had to come good and won his first grand Prix for his new employers in the Hungarian Grand Prix. Then Arsenal won the Champions’ League. Finally, the successes of the Mobot and Christine Ohurugu sealed the summer of sport before the football season kicked off in style. (Spot the deliberate mistake?) 

Of course, there will be future unbearable pain, we will be weeping in our cornflakes again very soon (when sports returns overseas and is being played out at night, or dusk). Even now, we have been undone by another baton change, but let us not get too caught up in that.

A FELINE MESS

A cat belonging to my neighbour has been wreaking havoc in my back garden. I am sure you’re thinking torn laundry ripped to shreds or flower beds dug up, or even the carcass of its kill being strewn about . Nope. My neighbour’s cat has decided that my garden is its cat litter.

Now, without sounding unduly paranoid, I believe that this cat is picking on my house because I am not a cat lover and it must have read at least one of my previous posts. It means I cannot hold a barbecue in my back garden lest family members step in smelly and disgusting mess. I have tried everything on the market, but this fine example of God’s creation keeps thumbing his paw at me. I have entertained the thought of an air gun or a bear trap, but knowing me, I will be back on these pages, relating to you how it is I am typing without two or three digits on my hand. So if anybody out there knows how to stop a cat from leaving mess in your back garden, please let me know.

MADNESS CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE

I am a student of King David in the Bible. As an amazing warrior, he was also a very quick thinker. In one instance, he inadvertently found himself recognised as a fugitive in an enemy camp. So he feigned madness. This is no small feat. I have found myself in situations in life which I could not possibly have gotten out of without a little display of insanity. I was on the tube a few years back listening to my headphones when and tapping on the hand rail, as you do. Unbeknownst to me, the tapping was irritating this man who was glaring at me. I did not know why he was staring, so I stared back.

He then approached me and said, “If you don’t bleep tapping as you listen to your n-bleep bleep music, I will tear your headphones off your head and bleep stuff them down your bleep throat.”

I was so taken aback by his belligerence that I immediately did not have anything to say back to him. I actually entertained the thought of going along with his bleep request but I remembered King David, turned round and looked the man in the face – and roared. Ok, it was more of a shout, it was unintelligible, I think there was a bit of spittle and also made me sound very scary and irrational.

The man got off at the next stop, rather hurriedly, I think. I went back to enjoying my music – minus the tapping, with my eyes closed because I felt so embarrassed. I have to admit, it did get me out of a tight spot.

On a more serious note, though, I now understand why God did not want David to build his temple. David had blood on his hands, not just innocent blood, but he walked with a group of militant, hardened killers, who were good in battle and also equally effective killers out of battle. Joab was his right hand man who unquestioningly carried out David’s requests. Sometimes he carried out his instructions too far, killing Absalom much to David’s distress. So, in Godfather style, David’s last instructions on his death bed included Joab’s assassination. Even to the end, David, the man after God’s own heart, had blood lust in his eyes. I pray that I do not be so cold in life not to have compassion. I pray that I live life to the fullest, and collect my blessings as they come along and be a blessing to others.

A GOOD YEAR

Sometimes we work so hard towards a goal. As we move towards our target, things seem to go wrong and completely bent out of shape. Circumstances beyond our control seem to take over. The decisions we take to rectify a plan going off on a tangent does not always justify the end result. We pull back the rudder in despair – and then wait for a result in resignation. So this year, I would like to thank the Lord for answered prayer, that a loved one has got through this stage of her life to the next, it’s been two crazy years of lows, the highs were not so many, till now. But God confounds the wise and uses the foolish things of this earth to set us right. And it is not down to some examiner or some course coordinator to pass judgement. God’s plan is not limited to some examination board.

Then I found favour./ Every time I step out to an interview, I ask the Lord that I will find favour in the eyes of the panel. So He heard. I did find favour, and I have new employers. I'm still determined though, to work for the best employer I know. Me.

AND FINALLY

George Duke, the Jazz Funkmaster passed recently. He had not recovered from his beloved Corinne dying from cancer 12 months before. He produced his final album dedicated to her. And then, to quote the Bible, he fell asleep. RIP, George.