For all of
those who know me, I am the son of a teacher from a family of teachers. Please
if you notice anything wrong about my grammar or punctuation, let me know
before Mummy sees it.
A New Commitment
So last
weekend, I walked down the aisle with the woman of my dreams. Nothing
fantastic there, considering that I have many women who answer to
that description and have met the strict(ish) criteria to be part of that
hallowed company. Admittedly, most of the women in that group are not aware of
their membership of that elite club, and will probably be spared
their knowledge of that dubious honour till their last breath. Except for
Rachel of S Club 7. And Kelly McGillis. And Dawnn Lewis. And Denise Lewis.
But perhaps this is special, because, a} she knows me too well; and b) she agreed to walk down the road of life with me. I have travelled many roads, started businesses and enterprises, worked in jobs that would task the faint-hearted, been in fool-hardy relationships, both in matters of the heart and hard cash; some rather short-lived, and others, relatively successful and yet the trepidation I felt as I said "I do" this time, made all the afore-mentioned endeavours shrivel up in comparison, like a sheet of toilet roll in flames. (Do not try that at home!)
Why? Because, for me, committing to another person after many previous battles from my various encounters now, in my life, was less of settling down, and more of settling up. To me, settling up is the equivalent of weighing the pros and cons and then saying, "It doesn't really matter how this one turns out, I need to work on it, a day at a time". No long-term visions of "When we grow old together", but rather, every evening, pledging to myself (and God), "Tomorrow, I will love this woman by my side a little more than I did today". Perhaps, I am getting sentimental in my old age. Yes, I love my wife, but I also know that I am not talking about the feelings in my chest cavity that unreasonably argues with (and wins) over my intellect. I am also looking at another person whose goals are aligned with mine, seeing our children grow together to achieve successful careers and wholesome relationships, avoiding some of the pitfalls I encountered along the way. Somebody to talk to about daily events at work; regard her friends with suspicion, but treat her foes with the disdain they deserve; discussion of the off-side goal, which started the 10-2 thumping by Bayern Munich, even though she was gently snoring though my enamoured and animated, yet unbiased account of events. (I don't care what you haters say, we were robbed and that led to the drubbing).
This is not new love, this is a renewed sense of an existing relationship. Perhaps, ever so often, one (or two, even) should undertake a renewal exercise, an MOT if you like, a reassessment of where they are in a journey, to change oil, tyres, rather than toss out the whole vehicle.
Bayern Munchen
Arsene Wenger,
its time to go.
Trumped
Is been almost 10 years
since Donald Trump became President of the good old US of A. At least, it does
feel like it. Whilst the man with the bombastic personality and the
drastically hilarious wavy hair was voted into power, I predicted a
mass exodus of the sane from America. Wrong again!
Those in
vehement opposition have stayed to fight. What I cannot stand, are those Christians who claim that he came to save America from abortion and
Hilary. Trump is here to prove a point, and perhaps increase his TV ratings for his next show. I have had all kinds of fanatics call
me names because of my stance, which is based on a biblical precedence (you did
not think I was leaving that out today, did you?).
In 1 Samuel, we are told that Israel demanded a king. In spite of the fact that they were warned that a King would tax them and marry off their daughters, Israel refused to back down and they were given King Saul.His exploits, manic-depressive behaviour, hatred for David, irrational reasoning (sounds a bit like me), left Israel in no doubt that the decision they had made was the wrong one, especially when Goliath came into the picture. They quickly latched onto David, the next best thing very quickly, and Saul ended up on his own sword.
Then there was
the story of Rehoboam, Solomon's son. He reportedly caused the breakup of the
united kingdom of Israel with the following words in response to
request for legal reform, "Whereas my father laid upon you a heavy yoke, so shall I add
tenfold thereto. Whereas my father chastised (tortured) you with whips, so
shall I chastise you with scorpions. For my littlest finger is thicker than my
father's loins; and your backs, which bent like reeds at my father's touch,
shall break like straws at my own touch."
My take on events, is for America to take stock, review their decision making and choose a sensible leader next time round. Donald Trump will have his full 4 years but will be ousted by the Republicans. He will try to run as an independent and fail miserably. But I might be wrong again.
Leadership issues
As a manager,
one of the biggest challenges I have faced is dealing fairly with staff members
who do not want to play (or work) fairly. It is literally swimming against the
current.
The bigger
challenge is when - I must work with people I report to who
definitely refuse to play fairly. A few years ago, I worked with such a
person, who made my life hell to the point that somebody used to regularly
comment at our weekly meetings, "I hope you survive the day". I was
regularly belittled, made the butt of jokes, humiliated in public and made
the buffoon of the team. This continued for over two years and people kept
asking me, Why do you stay? I stayed because, in spite of the bully, I was
learning so much that helped me set up my own business, but it also made me
work on a number of short comings in my character. It has also helped me to
recognise the start of those tactics wherever I go and nip them in the bud
before they become issues. Of course, it does not help when the bully has
allies who continually pass on messages to undermine your performance so
cut off those channels off at the knees, particularly if they are subordinates.
It would be wrong of me to advocate physical violence (though cutting off
somebody at the knees does sound appealing in a very Game of Thrones sort of
way).
I have learnt,
for example that information should only be shared on a need to know basis. A
junior member of staff is just that. Do not tell them anything they do not
need to know, because that is how undermining members of staff get
irrelevant information passed on to relevant Heads.
I have
also decided it is important to speak immediately to your own
supervisor/head of service and report your concerns, making it clear you have
recorded dates and times of incidents so that you do not look and sound
paranoid. This is what works for me. I hope that is what it says in the standard HR
handbook with brilliant advice. Sometimes, it might be
that you are a pawn caught in the middle of some power struggle. Or it may
just be that you have met a nasty individual who is being
bullied at home by their spouse. Just saying.
Resolutions
- It is almost April 2017. I resolve to be kinder to my children and
try to have a conversation with each of them at least once a week.
- Speak to my parents at least once a week;
- Cook a special dish for my wife, at least once a month.
JAZZ RECOMMENDATION
Afrodeezia by Marcus Miller
